haish... 1/5/11... sunny day... 14 days to 1 year... and 1 day after the day i almost died... i tot eu would be more... appreciating me more den ever... ya... i see eu giving me stuff eu nvr gave b4... i was touched... i tot eu really worry of lossing me... but... maybe i was wrong... today... i found out... wad eu always feel... i feel hurt... i was such a guy... in ur mind... in ur heart...... i.... i aslways did everything i could for you... no wishing for anything in return... i did everything willingly.. but wad i heard from you that hurt me so deeply... "i dunno why i give it to you, wad do i get in return, wad do i benifit from"... that's wad eu told me... i started to think... i started to cry... i had so many friends... whoes heart is not as gd as me... but... their girl... always do anything for them... love them for who they are... looking back... so wad if i have a golden heart... my girl... just thinks me as a usless guy... who have a dirty mind... and who cant even earn enough to support her... i'm really envious of ppl out there who had such a good girl... who will cherish them... i sometime dont even know... is this the routh i should choose... why... why do i have to so good... i want to die... i feel so hurt... eu don even care... eu only care when smth is happening... all my life... i only wished for a girl who can love me... care for me... but the girl god gave me... have everything but not the 2 i wanted... i cant take it much longer...

yes... i may want it again and again... isn't that wad every humans do... as long as it's smth nice... they want it again and again... must you really count every small things we do and put it in ur heart... are really so concern abt the things we do... if eu feel this way... eu can always go find other guys... i'm not the type for you... why cant we be just as loving... just... argh.... i dunno... i... i am so usless... maybe i shouldn't even started this r/s... maybe if i dont... eu can get a btr guy out there... i'm just usless... a usless guy with a golden heart... wad's the point... haish... i just want to be hiding in a corner alone... crying... and not wanting to think of anything...